What is it with women and soccer? I have been having a 2 months long impasse with my wife. I want to watch soccer on a regular basis on satellite TV but she won't let me install DSTV. My efforts to convince her that satellite TV will be good for the whole family have been futile. It irritates me that the occasional glances I have on TV only reveal angry Mexicans doing what they know best in the form of La muher de Lorenzo et al.

My struggle for emancipation (the freedom to enjoy soccer any time) did not start 2 months ago though. I have had a long history of women in my life that believe that soccer is a relationship breaker. I once had a girlfriend who would feign sickness just before the kick off of a must-watch match like the Champions League finals. Her trickery was not limited to sickness. She would bring up issues, which according to her needed my immediate attention smack in the middle of an adrenaline-drenched match. Just incase you begin to think that I am the problem, fancy this - a common friend flys back home after 3 years in the States and visits his former classmates at campus. But his timing couldn’t be worse: his visit coincides with the opening match of France 98 pitting Brazil Vs Scotland. He walks into the room and all the girls are showering him with hugs and kisses. In contrast the boys give him a casual glance and a “wassup”, quickly returning their gaze to the screen where they stay glued for the next 90 or so minutes. You can imagine how infuriated our lady friends were. The well-planned home coming party was botched and we were all branded wet blankets.

The struggle between women and men over sports is not new and is not about to end either. What women have failed to realize all along is that sport (for me soccer) espouses the very essence of manhood. The essence of manhood is found in testosterone; the hormone that defines manhood through unique physical and attitude attributes. Testosterone is what has driven men over the ages to war. Testosterone wants to conquer. The object of conquest has varied over the years. Some, like the conquest of a woman are perpetual but others like conquest of animals (for food and security) have been overtaken by technological advancements. Modern day man has found another object of conquest. He wants to conquer his opponents in the sports arena. Soccer is all about beating your opponent, rubbing it in and feeling good about it.

My appeal to our dear sisters is: let a man be. Let him compete, win, enjoy his victory. Let him brood in his loss. Don’t try to compete with soccer because you can not win. He needs it just the same way he needs you. He needs to unwind. Testosterone does not allow him to unwind the way you do. It dictates that his way of unwinding is by competing and hopefully winning.I don’t want to be labeled a marriage breaker and a teacher of false dogma, so I leave it there.