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How to cheat effectively
Magigi
#1 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 8:19:36 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 7,058
Location: Kenya
The recent events concerning Tiger Woods, John Terry, Ashley, Sautii Wanjala etc having been busted while cheating calls for a rethink in the way spouses handle extra ‘curricular’ marital affairs. From my interactions with my “boys and girls” and from my own I experience I have gathered a lot on how you can escape being caught if you are a perennial cheater. Here are some 7 habits of highly cheating spouses.
1. There is never a message in the mobile phone. All messages, both sent and received, are deleted as soon as they are read or sent. And no phone calls after 6.00 pm. In the house the phone is always in silent mode just in case…
2. Phone numbers of boyfriends or girl friends are never saved in the phone. Your spouse has memorized them and so when there is a message or phone call, the number does not register and should a funny message appear one can always call it a stray message.
3. Because your spouse is always on your mind ( most people who cheat, love their spouses very much!) you are likely to send her messages not meant for her. So whenever writing a message let it be general. Don’t write things like ‘hello sweetheart, how is London….etc. Rather say , Hi Sweetheart…How is that kaplace….. If it gets to your spouse and he/she is not in London, you are in serious sewage!.
4. Don’t take your extra-curricular affair outside the town you live. A misfortune can strike and you will live the rest of your life to regret it. Remember the true story of a man who escorted his wife to the airport to go to Dubai for some business. Two days later the husband was called to go and collect his wife who had drowned while swimming in a fancy hotel in the Rift Valley ( can’t remember which one). In fact take your ‘extra’ to the nearest hotel in the estate. S/he should not complain since this is a ‘pay as you eat’, a symbiotic relationship…
5. Be at home before 6.00 pm during weekdays to play with the kids and help in the homework. If possible cook for the family once in a while. Your spouse will think you are the best thing to have happened to him or her …just been dropped from heaven.
6. Your escapades should be during day time. Over the weekend join the boys for a drink. Take your spouse along once in a while. Let her know your best joints (not the ones you take your chakula ya kuongeza)
7. The same colognes your spouse uses should be the same your chakula ya kuongeza uses. Women can smell a new colgne thousands of miles away!!!

Any additions to safe our brothers and sisters...

...and if your spouse exhibits 3 or more of these habits, you need to launch an investigation!!!
brav
#2 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 8:48:02 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 734
And so with a straight face says
Dr.Magigi(PHD extramarital affairs UON,MBS.)
Magigi
#3 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 8:54:00 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 7,058
Location: Kenya
Brav...T would like to document some of these things...I am sure it is going to be a bestseller...I do not think Steve Covey is that successful!!!

...All of these issues/habits were raised in a discussion I was part of...
brav
#4 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 8:57:08 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 734
@Magigi I believe you would have helped mankind in a great way. like No broken marriages/careers cuz of cheating ... unendless list here...
Njung'e
#5 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 9:00:07 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 2/7/2007
Posts: 9,021
Location: Nairobi
I need to photo copy that and hang it in my bedroom.
Old Nigga
Magigi
#6 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 9:02:56 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 7,058
Location: Kenya
...Brav
Where we have gotten to, mankind seems to be unsalvageable... What with grabbing land meant for the dead. Where will the dead be burried?
brav
#7 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 9:22:40 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 734
@Njunge apparently I just made a printout pinned it in my office wall then thought Mama Bravlets might decide to pay me a visit then iwe ma'bo igine ya kuexprain.Shame on you

@Magigi I concur wit you fully, killing a fellow man isnt an issue nowadays,but we still follow this dead guy to his grave and steal the place his supposed to lay in peace?d'oh! after I decided to end my "watching the news strike" I decided to watch it jana's NTV, and article 1: 7 killed in kawangware blalba article 2: A don is killed in ruiru... Article three: the mama who "owns, or is it once owned" the embattled cemetry ground blabla.Pray I turned to watch KissTV instead.

Wa_ithaka
#8 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 9:40:31 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 1/7/2010
Posts: 1,227
Location: nbi
Magigi. Don't know what to say. lakini add. Don't date tu-chungwa's who wear lipstick; put your underwear back the right way; don't shower (wipe yourself down); date ladies who are engaged to be married.Liquor and mipango don't mix-more likely to make mistakes...

Njung'e-well thank God u and your wifey no longer share bedroom. Ama hii ni ya kazini?

The Governor of Nyeri - 2017
Intelligentsia
#9 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 9:51:22 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,067
Wa_ithaka wrote:
...put your underwear back the right way...



Double, no triple, make sure its YOURS first usiende ma mali ya wenyewe kwako Laughing out loudly
Magigi
#10 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 9:57:56 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 7,058
Location: Kenya
Wa_ithaka;
...whether to bathe or not was debated in the discussion. It was resolved that bathing is a must, and that afterwards you should walk, if you are in town walk to River road and buy some cheap spanners or something. That way you will sweat and the freshness will go
...or she should not put on your boxers...Both sexes are involved here...This is not a preserve of men...
livie
#11 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 10:17:18 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/1/2008
Posts: 761
always use a taxi for these mipangos,the streets have eyes....if u have to use yours,make sure u have a dark tint to protect the identity of the un authorized passenger....
If you are going to be thinking only one thing, you might as well be thinking big. -Donald J . Trump
Wa_ithaka
#12 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 11:05:13 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 1/7/2010
Posts: 1,227
Location: nbi
I Wa_ithaka, as a new-farer and ngreat supporter of Wazua, have asked Intelligensia to step aside to allow investigations into what he has mbeen smoking...

Magigi-hiyo haismek. Your missus will jua after the 2nd time, afdhali walking to your 8th floor. If u must shower, only with water.

The Governor of Nyeri - 2017
callaspade
#13 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 11:34:33 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 11/12/2009
Posts: 865
..i see a lot of experts here...but remember to wear Kondo-om and if you are caught you can toa that nonsense of even tiger,even clinton,even terry did it bla bla bla.....
Intelligentsia
#14 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 11:55:48 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,067
@waithaka, these things happen and cases of unwitting u/wear swaps either in a drunken stupor or when a couple's standard temperature & presurre (stp)is high have been reported... in one such case the busted mzee of the house insisted and persisted the offending garment was not his - that it was actually for the missus. So strong was his insistence that the missus actually started doubting if wasn't really hers after all...but don't try this at home!
Ric dees
#15 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 12:02:30 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 3/6/2008
Posts: 593

If all this does not work and you get busted...deny, deny, deny..

The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence; it is to act with yesterday's logic.
banyamulenge
#16 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 12:19:51 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 475
Laughing out loudly These people must attend the finger church....Magigi must be an alter mboy...Laughing out loudly

"The longer the fuse the mightier the blast!"
Njung'e
#17 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 12:28:44 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 2/7/2007
Posts: 9,021
Location: Nairobi
Long ago a dude put the thingy in the pocket and went home.....He is sitting around the fire with the rest of the family and all of a sudden he feels like blowing his nose.....Weeeewee....Alikula kuni!!...

@Wa_ithaka,
Brick wall .......paka mzee...??
Old Nigga
Fundaah
#18 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 12:29:07 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/19/2008
Posts: 1,266
I think Magigi is a camouflaged good ol' sk Pondi
Isaiah 65:17-Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth, and no one will even think about the old ones anymore
Magigi
#19 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 12:57:10 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 7,058
Location: Kenya
Fundaah
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... Did you watch Mudavadi and Osiemo disowning each other... Magigi is Magigi and Pondi is Pondi... Where is the dude, by the way... Pondi, come out, recession is over!!!
sumthung
#20 Posted : Friday, March 12, 2010 1:14:50 PM
Rank: New-farer


Joined: 2/1/2010
Posts: 24
Location: Nairobi
thanks for the advice we ought to live with it
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